As wonderful as my life is now,  I haven't always been so happy. When I was a kid, I had falsely accepted as fact that I was going to just be average at everything. Boy, am I glad that I was wrong.

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My never-being-more-than-average realization started in school. I used to be a left-handed little league pitcher. My dad gave me extra coaching and I become really, really good. I had several no hitters. On the flip side, I was terrible at bat. There was a player on another team who was well-known for being really good at hitting the ball. I could not strike him out. We became friends, but he was always a better baseball player than I was or would ever become. I was convinced that there would always be someone who is better than me in anything I tried to do. 
 

I carried this limited mindset through high school, college, early in my career, and into my first marriage. I wanted to be more than mediocre but was convinced that could never come true so didn't even try for more. My friends were the gamut of being line workers to really successful entrepreneurs. I was actually more comfortable with those who accepted the gray area as I did. I was marginally good at sports, I was acceptable as a husband and father. The one avenue I was good at was being a good employer and a respected business owner/operator. I put all of my energy into running my construction business to make sure we succeeded. 

 

But in 2008, my business started to struggle. I proudly ensured our company’s survival by adjusting our marketplace and market share... or so I thought. In concentrating on these facets of the business, I dropped the ball on other serious things that came back to bite me in the butt. I made a couple of poor choices and my own arrogance put us in a risky position with another company that had a reputation for putting money and power over service. Working with them drained us and got us into an upside down cash situation. Then, they sued us. I had no money to defend myself legally and lost that battle, my company, and several million dollars without a fight.

 

At the same time my business was crashing to the ground, I finally saw that the relationship with my then wife was never going to become the type of marriage I wanted. Nor could I be a good example to my young daughters and what they should accept as a quality marriage. I didn’t want to live that way and did not want them to think that our marriage was “normal." Although everyone around me knew that the relationship was doomed to fail, and much to the surprise and disappointment of my ex-wife and family, I started taking steps to get out of that marriage. As my business and my marriage spiraled out of control, so did my health, my finances, my spirit, and my willingness to do whatever it took to survive. I had become the shattered window pane that was letting in the rain, with no hope of becoming whole again.

 

When I looked around, I could only see black. 

 

At a chance meeting where I thought I could help a friend in need, I found something surprising. Instead of helping, I found help. A friend who was several steps ahead in a similar journey... also struggling in her marriage and needed a supportive ear, but she became my rock as we leaned on each other through of our respective difficult times. She became the hand reaching for my hand to pull me out of my conundrum. She always had an understanding ear and a tenderhearted look when I needed one and she became the voice of reason when I had lost all logic. 

 

First she told me to focus on the future when everything would be better again, because it would get better. She convinced me that I had more to give than what I had done to that point in time. She encouraged me to continue through as I had arrived at the pinnacle of my life. She created hope in me where there otherwise was none. We were friends who supported each other through each other’s divorces. Then we became best friends. We trusted each other with our wildest hopes and our darkest secrets. A love like I had never known sprouted and blossomed beyond our control. Our relationship became bigger than either of us individually. A while after her divorce was finalized and then mine, my best friend, Lisa, and I got married to each other and have been on an eternal honeymoon with a desire to be the best version of ourselves for each other.

 

That is priceless to find in this lifetime. As amazing as that was at the time, it could have been my happily ever after, but... it wasn’t.

 

My personal development journey was just starting. I had a burning desire to make my new marriage the best it could possibly be. I had to make sure we were going to survive financially. I had a new found reason to be the best dad to my daughters and to stay alive as long as possible for them. The search began for the best possible way to make those 4 goals happen. I started listening to podcasts about money, investing, relationships, and health in hopes that they could help me get what I wanted out of life. I started devouring books on various subjects; books about real estate, marriages, counseling, fasting, working out, productivity, meditation... I was like a walking self-help dictionary :) I started going to live events where I connected with like-minded people who wanted more out of life and who wanted to make a difference in the world. 

 

In the search for my best life and meaning in what I had done in the past, present, and future, a purpose for my life emerged. A purpose in which all the values I held were affirmed and every action and every secondary action I would take going forward were filtered through making sure I was in alignment with that purpose. It permeated every area of my life from health, fitness, finances, spirit, emotions, environment and especially with my family, friends, and colleagues. The purpose revealed is: To be the best husband to my life-long soulmate, Lisa, and to help as many people as possible live purpose-driven lives full of adventure, happiness, and love... just like we already have.

 

This clarity allowed me to accept responsibility for my troubles from the past and revealed a strategy for my life into the future. This same clarity also gave me a much more objective view that I'm not meant to be mediocre or average, but that I have the power to change anything in my life for the better. If my life were a movie, this was the best one I could have ever watched where I could see things from the outside but all the good feelings were actually happening to me!

 

The principles I follow in my life sprouted up from living my purpose. This provided me with better tools to live my purpose-driven life and the means to interact with others in a much more meaningful way than I ever did before. Casually, I began to help others deal with issues in their lives and relationships that I could see clearly based on my purpose, the priorities I set for myself, and the principles I live by. The positive results others were getting from my help reinforced that I was on the right track, not only for myself but for others. This endorsement made me want to help more people. Helping more people had an enthusiastically positive effect on my relationship with Lisa.  We are better able to spot and fix trouble areas in our marriage, and better able to find opportunities for growth and advancement in our own relationship. This became a welcome self-perpetuating cycle that reinforces my dedication to help couples find their purpose as they move toward their ideal marriage.

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So... this is my story, but what's yours? I'd love to learn about you and see how I can be of service. Join the Love Life Central Community and myself here: 

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And we look forward to meeting you soon!

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